The satire, ogling, insensitive references, and remarks are the unpleasant realities of being plus-size in the world today. Hardly does a day go by without someone taunting and staring at you in displeasure, disgust, disapproval, or lust. Let’s face it – it may at times get to you, making you crumble at the weight of judgment and cynical insensitivity. You may, therefore, wonder why your curvy frame elicits the wrong attention. Here’s the truth about it.
Unfortunately, society’s opinion on women’s body sizes and shapes is hesitantly adapting to the realities of life. The reality being that Plus Size women do exist and the world cannot assume them or disregard them into oblivion. In essence even as world views and beauty standards aspire to be more embracing – we cannot postpone the existence and happiness of individuals who already exist.
PREJUDICE, this 9 letter word is the basis of most, if not all, the negativity plus size women face. The affront of you not fitting into a particular mould of what society deems to be a woman’s ‘ideal size’ really upsets the perceived status quo of beauty and femininity.
Generally, women are mandated to adhere to outdated ideals and societal expectations that stipulate how they ought to look, act and carry themselves. This ‘feminine code’, a product of old-fashioned views by who- knows- who continues to permeate and inform our present-day perception about women. Surprisingly, this code idealizes and esteems body image over character, talent, and soul. A hierarchy of sorts is implied whereby, if the most esteemed ideals are not attained to, you are altogether disqualified and penalized, despite your excellent efforts in the rest of the ideals prescribed in the ‘code’.
As a plus-size woman, constantly you are measured against this idealized hierarchy. Consequently, you are harshly penalized because you fall short of the standard. No matter how well-groomed you are, how well you speak, how educated or loving you are – nothing seems to outweigh the societal expectation of women being slender, with flat tummies and mild curves. Why our body physique, as opposed to character and the true heart of a person matters more, is something we continue to grapple with. Nevertheless, it is widely held, though never expressly acknowledged, that being a particular body size is one of the societal expectations on women that rank highly.
Societal Disfavour of Plus Size Women
It’s interesting to see the measure of emotion invoked because of a departure from the status quo. With the plus-size prejudice comes the stereotyping and degradation. The consistent notion that plus-size ladies are lazy and careless surprisingly continues to be widely held. People stare at your curves as if suggestively asking, ‘how dare you?’ How dare you let yourself become so big? What were you doing? What were you thinking? Why are you eating that? Why are you shopping here? They look down on you as being careless with your body weight and therefore careless with everything else.
Numerous assumptions are made as to the health of a plus-size woman. It is these generalizations, bracketing and stereotyping, that continue to undermine pus size women world-over. Being plus-size does not directly translate into being unhealthy. Many ladies do not fit into the ideal dress size but are perfectly healthy and possibly healthier than ladies who wear a size 0 or 2. The incessant pressure on all plus size women to lose weight and ‘become healthy’, makes it even worse.
Similarly, dressing your curves a certain way may elicit a lot of disapproval and menacing looks from onlookers. ‘The Rules of Fashion’ dictate the type of clothing that plus size women ought to wear to appear decent in the eyes of the public. Several fashions do’s and don’ts are prescribed by ‘mainstream fashion experts’ on how to dress up a curvy frame. This is not in any way to spite the profession and diligence of fashion experts around, however, the rules applied to plus size women are too constricting and restricting. Do not wear stripes, do not wear tight clothes, do not wear bright colors, do not wear anything strapless, don’t show ‘too much skin’ which basically means only your face and hands should be visible and other absurd fashion advice is stipulated.
With these ‘expert’ notions, showing up in a crop top that reveals a slight portion of your tummy, or a body con dress that highlights your curves, or an attention-grabbing leopard print pant– may be perceived as ‘fashion mishaps’ for the plus-size woman. Several unfriendly stares and glances may follow from those who adhere to the strict rules of fashion.
If you think about it, the widely accepted dressing for plus size women is to wear darker colours or be in an all-black outfit, every single day to slim down and hide their excess fat. There’s no problem in women wearing black, however, they should not be limited and restricted to the few available fashion options as compared to their other female counterparts.
Interestingly, plus size women tend to overdress. as opposed to underdress, to hide their body sizes and excess fat. There are fewer cases of ‘skimpy, indecent or provocative dressing’ in plus size circles as compared to non-plus size circles. So why should a plus-size woman be judged for wearing a sleeveless dress? Or a brightly coloured suit? What fashion ‘decency laws’ are violated by such harmless acts. We appreciate the expert guidance and may even borrow a tip or two, however, the bottom line is that a woman should be allowed to look and feel her best, even though her dress code is not congruent with the stipulated fashion norms for the plus-size woman.
Plus Size Struggles in the Workplace
Inevitably, being plus size and curvy comes with additional problems beside body size and dressing. Plus Size women are prone to sexual harassment in the workplace just like the rest of working women. Sexual harassment can be defined as unwelcome comments, conduct or behaviour regarding sex, gender and sexual orientation that make the workplace hostile and unconducive for employee productivity. Unfortunately, you being curvy may increase the risk of you being a prey of inappropriate sexual gestures such as ogling, unwelcome touches or body contact, calculated brushing against your hips, thighs or bust by the harasser.
Interestingly, according to https://www.thebalancecareers.com/examples-of-sexual-and-non-sexual-harassment-2060884, sexual harassment is as a result of the power paradigm between males and females. With the highest percentage of harassers being male, a lot of those who default to these manners tend to resonate with strong patriarchal notions concerning the status and role of a woman. They tend to believe that a woman’s body is for the pleasure of her male master. This conviction tends to reduce women to mere sex objects that men can use to satisfy their sensual cravings.
This, therefore, explains why sexual harassers will stare at your hips or bust while in the office, or whistle cunningly as you walk by. They believe that your body, your curves, and whatever you have on, was for them to feast their eyes on. Their thought patterns and outlook reduce you into a mere object.
Off course, being at the impact of such distasteful behaviour does not mean you should condone it at all. Sexual harassment is an affront to human dignity and inhibits your productivity. Being an offence it should not be treated lightly. When such behaviour transpires, vividly document the incident and report to the HR. If no action is taken, and the harassment continues you can consider filing the matter in court.
How to Overcome Getting the Wrong Attention
Having highlighted some of the reasons your curves get the wrong attention, here are some things you should consider doing to elicit positive attention or at the very least evade the wrong attention bracket.
1. Be the Best You
The negative undertones about plus size women, that permeate throughout society, are in no way an excuse for you not to do your part. By all means necessary, you should endeavour to present ourselves as an individual worthy of respect and who adds value to society. Avoid the ugly grins and menacing looks at people simply because they may have what you want, or they are more accepted in society’s eyes, or simply because they mishandled you. Be the woman you desire to be. Dress and act decently, don’t haul out insults at people and don’t use your body size as an excuse for any improper behaviour. Be optimistic, be kind, be caring, be outgoing, and be lovely.
Work on how you present yourself and how you come off to others. Forget the mainstream ideas of ‘The Rules of Fashion’ as a plus-size lady, dress in a manner that makes you look and feel attractive. Having a positive impression on people can make them more welcoming towards you. Intuitively, people are drawn to what captivates their eye. So put the effort in how you dress. Take time picking outfits that help you highlight the features you love, whether your arms, legs or neckline. Don’t just wear a sack over yourself in a bid to hide your body. Additionally, invest in developing your character, skillset and knowledge base. Strive to become the best you, you can be.
2. Mind Your Business
Part of the reason why people continue to taunt and ill-treat you is that it gets to you. If you showed that you were not affected by the actions of others, they would see the futility of their resentment and be more inclined to stop their negative reactions. When people notice that you simply don’t care about their validation and acceptance, they usually wonder what to do with you. Resist the temptation to revert with anger or hurt. Do your best to mind your own business irrespective of what people do or say about you.
Off course, this is not a small feat; by design, humans are social. This means every single one of us desires to be loved, feel accepted and that we belong. Therefore, we crave approval and acceptance from those around us. It is therefore hurting and extremely difficult to face life thoroughly aware that most people around you do not accept your looks. It is not easy to shrug it off and continue unbothered, but it is possible.
Your sentiments and beliefs about yourself are powerful tools that inform your everyday life. Learning to cultivate your self-esteem, by being more self-accepting, kind and treating yourself as someone worthy of respect, can help you be more loving and confident about your body. Progressively, you will notice that most of the negativity you receive does not get to you. It gradually ceases to gnaw and sting at your soul.
Make peace with yourself. Consequently, people will notice, nothing they say or do adversely affects you. You remain happy, confident at work, friendly and warm to those around you ET cetera. Your positivity becomes insurmountable and with time, people will stop reacting to you coz evidently, what’s the point?
3. Create Awareness
Building awareness of plus-size people will help society become more welcoming of them. Off course, this should be done on a larger scale to have the intended effect, but nonetheless, local social campaigns and even organizations that identify with the plight of plus size women can still make an impact. Building awareness sensitizes people to the challenges faced by plus-size people. Usually, systemic discrimination tends to de-humanize the victims and emphasize on factors such as race, religion and in this case body size.
Plus size women need to speak out and tell their stories not simply to elicit sympathy but to educate the masses. By ‘humanizing’ their discrimination, it allows society to view them as people like any other who are deserving of respect and acceptance.
Final Thoughts
Noticeably, most of the wrong attention accorded to your curves is a result of widely held societal ideals on a woman’s body. These ideas speak to her body size, dressing, and status relative to that of her male counterparts. Despite all the prejudice occasioned on plus size women, you still can rise above and beyond. Wrong attention to your curves by negative people or sexual harassers is not a comment on your value and self-worth. We touch on some of this in our article about how to deal with people staring at your curves. Do whatever you can to evade the negativity and know that you can beat all odds to live a happy and satisfying life as a plus-size curvy woman.
