Dating experiments are all the rage, especially in the televised reality show setting. This has led the average person to assume that they too can embark on their own dating experiments to see who they catch. Plus size is not a dating experiment though, or it shouldn’t be. Why not?
Here are some very convincing reasons why plus size is not a dating experiment:
- Inconsiderate to feelings
- You’re fetishizing by size
- Dating ain’t easy
- Could blow up in your face
- Reinforces negative feelings
In this article, I’ll first explain more about why dating a plus-size person should not be some sort of twisted personal dating experiment. Then I’ll delve into some signs that you’re dating someone, plus size or otherwise, for the right reasons.
Let’s begin!
5 Reasons Why Plus Size Is Not a Dating Experiment
Embed from Getty ImagesPlus-Size People Have Feelings Too
From movies of the ‘90s with makeovers that transform a nerd into a beauty to reality dating shows with unique premises such as Love Is Blind, it’s easy to watch these dating experiments unfold on our screens.
Even though the experiments rarely treat the recipients nicely, that’s not something you see. It’s edited out of the TV show or never included as dialogue in the movie.
Once you start conducting dating experiments in real life, you’ll realize that real life has no edit button. You can’t rewrite or rescript it.
Actions have consequences, and when you treat a plus-size person as little more than an experiment and they eventually become wise to it, you’ll see what those consequences are firsthand.
There will be a lot of hurt feelings and resentment because you behaved so callously. Once you cross that bridge, there’s no uncrossing it. You can’t fix things.
I don’t care if we’re talking about a conventionally attractive straight-size person, a plus-size person, or even a fat person. No matter what they look like or their size, they do not deserve to be chosen for a date in hopes that you can make them over or change them.
You should date a person because they intrigue or interest you and you want to get to know them better. That’s it.
People have feelings. Plus-size and bigger bodies have especially sensitive feelings because, believe it or not, this is not their first rodeo. They might notice sooner that you’re taking them for a ride and then eagerly jump off that ride.
A plus-size person is not a fixer-upper house. They like themselves the way they are and don’t want to be changed. If that’s not something you can accept, then don’t date them, simple as that!
Size Is Not a Fetish
Plus-size people tend to have three types of dating experiences: being ignored, being embarrassed or humiliated (such as through a poorly thought-out dating experiment), or being fetishized.
It’s okay to have fetishes. Everyone does. However, what’s not okay is choosing someone to date solely because they meet the requirements of your fetish, such as having a fetish for bigger bodies.
A plus-size person is not just there for you to look at and ogle. They’re more than eye candy. They have a life, a personality, family, friends, dreams, aspirations, goals, and problems.
When you fetishize a woman or man based solely on their size, you set aside literally everything else about them, including all the really interesting bits, and only focus on their looks.
Just as I don’t recommend doing dating experiments on anyone regardless of their size, I would caution you against fetishizing anyone based on their size.
It’s okay to prefer bigger bodies and be aware that you have a fetish, and it’s also fine to possibly want to engage in that fetish with your partner. When all you do is focus on the looks of a plus-size person because that’s your kink, you’re stripping away literally 95 percent of them.
It’s flattering to be fetishized, at least maybe at first. Then it just gets old. Your partner will desperately want you to see them, the entirety of them.
If the fetish gets in the way of you doing that, then the relationship won’t work. There probably won’t even be a relationship.
Dating as a Bigger Person Is Hard Enough as It Is
Another reason why I would dissuade you from dating a plus-size person as a dating experiment is that it’s already a lot harder for bigger people to date.
If a plus-size person chooses a flattering photo that doesn’t show off how fat they are, then they’re accused of catfishing. If they’re honest, they’re ignored.
As I said in the last section, most people pass over larger bodies on dating apps like Tinder, Match, or OkCupid.
When someone does show interest in a plus-size person, it’s normal for the plus-size person to feel dubious about the other person’s intentions, at least for the first date or several. Remember, this person could be fetishizing.
Now listen, it’s perfectly okay for people to date those who they find attractive. I’m not saying it isn’t. What’s unfair is that plus-size people don’t get the same crack at dating that a straight-size body does because of outdated beauty ideals.
Even if a plus-size person does find a great partner, people will judge that partner when the couple is out in public. If it’s two bigger people, the public will make judgments about their size.
If the plus-size person is dating a straight-size person, the public will automatically feel bad for the straight-size person and wonder what they’re doing with someone bigger.
You can see how it feels like there’s no winning, right?
If a plus-size person never has to be part of a dating experiment in their lives, they’d still have a harder time than most in the dating pool. Don’t unnecessarily complicate things.
Plus-Size People Are Not as Desperate as You Think
A big reason why a lot of people think that dating a plus-size person is a fun experiment is that they assume that plus-size people are easy pickings. They have the self-esteem of a trash can, right? They’re low-hanging fruit.
And while it’s true that some plus-size kings and queens do unfortunately lack the confidence they need, many more do not.
The bopo movement and plus-size community have bolstered the self-esteem of many plus-size bodies.
These people know their worth, and even though they might have a harder time finding dates, they don’t date just anyone. These plus-size people are anything but desperate.
They’re not sitting like Rapunzel by the window, hoping for a prince (or princess!) to come. They’re out living their lives, doing their own thing, and dating when the right person comes along.
Then you enter the picture assuming that this person will go out with you solely because they occupy a bigger body. You could be in for a bitter dose of reality after falling catastrophically on your face.
You’ll be the one to be rejected, and it won’t feel good!
Reinforces That Plus-Size Isn’t Good Enough
The reason that some plus-size people still struggle with their self-confidence is that their entire lives, they’ve been told through the media, the Internet, and pop culture that only people who occupy the smallest bodies possible are worthwhile.
Forget that a person can accomplish amazing feats in their life even at a bigger size. It’s not about what you do, it’s about how you look.
That’s a bitter pill for anyone to swallow, especially someone who society does not deem conventionally attractive.
Yet it’s a reality that we must live with until the world realizes that beauty ideals are all BS anyway and that a person is so much more than their looks.
Considering the complex worldview that a plus-size person has, when you then date them solely to fulfill the requirements of some sort of experiment, you only reinforce the precedent that being plus-sized is not good enough.
You would not have bothered to approach this person if not for their size, and you would have been better off not doing it. The damage you can create is lasting, sometimes even for life!
5 Signs You’re Dating Someone for the Right Reasons
I said it before, and I want to make it clear again. It’s okay to want to date a plus-size person as long as you’re not using them for some sort of dating experiment.
The following signs will indicate to you whether your intentions are pure.
Their Personality Won You Over
As I’ve been trying to make clear the entire time, a person is about more than their looks. They have a personality too, and sometimes that’s the most attractive part!
If that’s how you came to meet your plus-size cutie because you two have a lot in common or your personalities mesh, then you’re in the clear.
You’re Aware They’re Bigger But Don’t Care
Some people, when dating, consider the whole person. Maybe bigger bodies weren’t their preference, but they’re in love with the total package and don’t let a larger size bother them.
Perhaps they are attracted to plus-size bodies, but they see that that’s one facet of many of their partner.
These are both healthy attitudes to have when dating a plus-size person. You’re not making their size the focal point, and that’s something that your partner will majorly appreciate, so keep it up!
You Don’t Fetishize Their Size
I told you that plus-size people are often dubious about their dates fetishizing them. For some plus-size people, this only goes on for a few dates, but for others, it can be several months before they truly relax.
The best partners are attracted to their mate’s body but do not fetishize it.
You Don’t Make Excuses When You Bring Your Partner Around
Some people feel downright ashamed to be dating a larger person, which is sad.
Before they introduce their partner to their friends or family, they might put a big disclaimer on their partner, letting everyone know that this person is bigger.
Well, that’s not necessary to do. Your friends and family have eyes, so they can easily see the size of your partner when you first meet him or her.
By warning others ahead of time, it puts too much emphasis on size and not enough emphasis on the other great qualities of your partner.
You should be proud of the person you’re dating no matter their size. When you introduce them to your friends and family, you should be so excited about your partner meeting your favorite people that you don’t think for a second about their size.
That’s a relationship done right.
You Recognize They Have Flaws But Don’t Want to Change Every Last Thing About Them
If you’re in the plus-size dating experiment mindset, then you’re treating your date as something to fix up.
Just as you wouldn’t shop for clothes with holes in them, thinking that you could patch them up later, you shouldn’t look for a date in need of rescuing or repairing either.
It’s okay to recognize that your partner has flaws. Everyone does. It’s even okay not to love those flaws. They are flaws, after all.
However, while you’re totally okay if your partner decides to change something about themselves, you’re never going to push them to do it. If they want to lose weight, you’d support that, but if they never lose a pound, that’s okay too.
Conclusion
Plus size dating is not an experiment, and I hope I proved to you why that is in this article. You’ll create a lot of confusion, hurt feelings, and even deep-seated traumas just so you can fulfill some weird quirk, interest, or fetish of yours.
Remember that a plus-size person is a human being. They deserve the same respect and decency as any human being. If you go into dating with that mindset, then you’ll be a lot more successful.
