Watching someone you care about go through something as hard as depression or grief can be distressing. You may fall short of things to say to make them feel better. You may also end up saying something that would aggravate the situation and make it even worse. On the other hand, the depressed party may feel guilty for putting you through their problems.
If your loved one is depressed or has lost their self-confidence, it is of utmost importance that you educate yourself on how to handle the situation in a healthy and supportive manner. There are many ways that you can show love and support someone who may be depressed that would help you both establish a mental and emotional connection with each other. You don’t need a big gesture to show that you care. Even the smallest of gestures makes a significant difference. By providing them with a shoulder to lean on, you get to show them that you are there regardless of what they’re going through. Psychologists swear by the difference that social support makes on the emotional wellbeing of depressed individuals.
Anyone suffering from depression will mostly isolate themselves and reject any help extended to them. Notwithstanding. by understanding, caring, showing compassion, and helping out, you can through to them and make a difference.
Ways You Can Support Someone
1. Educate Yourself
The first thing to do is to educate yourself on what it means to be depressed. Learn what it is, how it works, and the nature of your loved one’s depression. By gaining a deeper understanding of depression, you gain a more profound knowledge of what your partner might be going through. This way, you get to help your partner better and advocate for what they need during the tough time in their life.
2. Assure Them They Aren’t Alone
Depression makes people feel like they are all alone in the world. They may feel as if everyone is against them and lack self-confidence in themselves. It gives people a negative outlook on life and the world in general.
It is crucial that you acknowledge your partner’s feelings and not dismiss them in any way whatsoever. Always provide them with the assurance that they aren’t going through it alone. Keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. Therefore showing your partner that you’re with them during this challenging time will go a long way in assuring them that they aren’t alone.
3. Be Available Whenever they Need to Talk
Most people with depression tend to withdraw from the world. The usually chirpy person can become the most secretive person all of a sudden and will be reluctant to open up on what is happening to them. However, on a few occasions, they may feel too pressured and would to open up.
Whenever your partner wants to talk about what they’re going through, present an opportunity for it to happen. Give your partner your undivided attention and affirm them of interest in their situation.
Giving them your undivided attention means that you would need to keep away anything that may distract you during the conversation. This may include turning off the TV, switching off your cellphone, and putting on hold any responsibilities that you may have. It would help if you also listened without any judgment of what may have led them to that moment.
4. Do not Rush Them to Talk
As revealed above, it is not easy for anyone suffering from depression to want to talk. On the rare occasion that they need to speak, you need to be available for them. However, you need to assure them that they shouldn’t rush to talk about anything if they aren’t ready.
Experts say that you shouldn’t try to fill in the quiet moments with anything else and let them hold the conversation. Understandably, you may feel the need to stop the pain when they start crying. You shouldn’t succumb to the urge to do so. Experts recommend that you let them cry if they need to, to take away the pain. Also, assure them their emotions are valid.
5. Don’t Make Them a Victim
Watching your partner suffer isn’t the best place to be. However, experts suggest that you let them go on their daily lives as usual. During this time, your partner may find that they cannot complete even the smallest of tasks.
This doesn’t mean that you should try to be their hero and help them. Let them try and complete the tasks on their own. Sometimes a depressed individual needs distraction, and you helping to complete their tasks and responsibilities, gives them more room to think of their depression.
6. Ask To Spend Time With Them Outdoors Even If They Aren’t Up For It
Often, you will find that your socially active partner has become withdrawn from the outside world. They may want to cancel any plans to go out and want to be left alone. As a result, other people may distance themselves from your loved one, seeing that their invitations always get declined. You, however, shouldn’t give up on them.
Try and be understanding of your partner’s situation and keep reaching out to them. For your partner, inclusivity and feeling wanted may soothe their heart. Going out will prove be refreshing and do them good, even if they may not be willing to participate all the time.
7. Assure Them That It Is Okay For Them To Want To Be Alone Sometimes
At such a time, your partner may become aloof. and cancel plans on you a lot of times. Try to understand and not take it personally. Allow your partner to have their alone time. Don’t take it to heart that they turned down your offer to have lunch or to talk. Understanding your partner during this time will help them take the time they need to begin their healing journey.
8. Validate Their Feelings
When you don’t understand why your partner is sad, you may end up invalidating their feelings. Keep in mind that the reason why your partner cries a lot lately or is always sad isn’t that they’re just in a bad mood. They are depressed. You can easily know that your partner is depressed by their sudden unwillingness to take part in their otherwise favorite activities, their sad mood and sometimes unwillingness to eat.
Sometimes trying to cheer your partner up won’t be enough. During this time, you shouldn’t tell them that they have a great life and have no reason to mop around. Often you will find that the depressed party are aware that they lead a great life and may feel guilty for feeling the way they do.
Try to be more empathic and acknowledge that even though you can’t imagine their pain, you are there for them. Ask if there is anything you can do to help. You don’t have to have experienced their pain to understand that they need love and acceptance.
9. Give Them Time to Recover
Whenever you see your partner hurting, you may get tempted to rush them to recover. You may also get tempted to ask them to get over it, thinking that it is a fake emotion or bad mood. However, the thing about depression is there is no quick fix to it.
All you can do in such a situation is to be there for your loved one and provide them with all the love and support they need along their recovery journey. You need to pave the way for them to heal on their own and at their own pace. You might feel helpless watching your partner suffer from depression and wish you had a solution. But, sometimes having no solution is the solution.
10. Focus on the Future
Depression can cause your partner to think of their future as dim and there is nothing good to look forward to. The best thing you can do for them whenever such a situation arises is to brighten their future for them. Experts recommend that you include them in any of your exciting plans. If they hear that you still want them in your future and that they aren’t burdening you, they feel more reassured and may end up finding the drive to heal.
11. Get Their Input on the Kind of Help they Need
Whenever your partner is up for a conversation, pick their mind on how they’d prefer you to treat them. Ask them what they consider helpful and what they don’t like. Sometimes you may think that you’re helping them, but you are making the situation worse.
Talking to them helps you know and understand what you’re doing and adjust to your measures. Ask them how it feels anytime they feel down or sad. Ask them what they do to try and feel less sad and try to add that into your list of supportive things to do. This way, you will be able to encourage and guide them toward healing and recovery.
12. Be More Resourceful
As mentioned above, there is no quick fix for depression. It isn’t a sickness where you can take a couple of pills and feel fine. Depression is a mental illness that can have adverse effects, including suicide if not well handled.
Experts advise that you be more resourceful during such a time. A little goes a long way most times. You may find that running an errand for them whenever they don’t feel like leaving the house can help them. Scheduling a therapist appointment can also show them that you care about them.
Calling them regularly may help them feel that they’re not alone and help them take the first step towards getting help. You need to ensure that you give them the choice to accept or decline your help; otherwise, your effort may come out as forceful.
13. Encourage Your Partner to Seek Help
Your partner may often feel like they don’t have the energy to leave their bed to see or talk to a therapist. In this case, you can offer to do it with them. Offer to accompany them to the doctor. If you can’t take them or be there with them through the session, try and be there when they get home.
You can alternatively call them beforehand or send them an encouraging text message. It’s the little things that count. Such small things can motivate your partner to get the help they so need.
14. Take Good Care of Yourself
While you’re focused on caring for your partner during these difficult times, you may end up getting absorbed into their pain and worry. Remember that if you do not also have the best mental health, you might not help effectively.
Take time for yourself. Go to yoga. Do some exercises such as jogging to clear your mind. Clearing your mind can put you in the right mental space to handle your ailing partner and help them to the best of your ability. Also, your positive energy and enthusiasm about life may just end up rubbing on them!
15. Don’t Give Up
Sometimes taking care of your partner may feel like a lot of uncalled for work. You are human. You may feel too tired and want to give up if your efforts aren’t appreciated. You must understand that your partner is in there somewhere, even though they can’t reach out to you. Put yourself in their shoes and be there for them – just like you would have it done for you if the reverse were true.
Take Away
Depression can be a trying indisposition and might strain your relationship with your loved one. Try to always understand their struggle and adopt the above steps to help them through it. By doing so, you will both come out of it triumphantly!
