Dating is a volatile topic both for guys and girls – especially when it comes to plus size relationships. No wonder it sits right at the center of human interactions. Unless you are asexual, I like to think that everyone dreams of finding the right person, one to share life’s ups and downs with, or simply enjoy companionship for however long it lasts.
Plus size dating seems to be a tumultuous event. For some women, the thought in itself can be intimidating. Psychic’s laws suggest that opposites do attract, whereas similar ends do not, but does this finding apply to the dating world? Do heavier girls have a preference for slim guys and vice versa? Are men attracted to thicker girls or is this merely a myth? Are there benefits associated with dating plus people?
For what I know, preference is the short answer when dealing with the dating subject. The same way a lot of women would rather have a tall guy by their side, so do different men also have a particular type. Everyone has their likes and dislikes and this is okay. What is not okay is societal stereotypes and the numerous false notions identified with plus-size bodies. Have they in any way shaped plus size interactions and how women are viewed in regard to intimacy?
I endeavor to delve into the good and ugly surrounding the matter at hand, and that is whether plus size couples are compatible or not. Further ahead we will get to see what role size plays in modern dating and how best to boost your self-confidence as a curvy woman. For a start, let’s talk about what men find attractive in women.
What Do Men Find Most Attractive in a Woman?
Hard to speak for all men because, at the end of the day, each man looks out for specific qualities in a woman. For some, humor ranks at the top of their list while for others its intelligence and wits. Unless otherwise, when a man is in the search for a partner, his instincts will almost always pull him towards someone who believes in them or in some way shows support.
Not oblivious of this, science has proven that looks play a huge role in the initial stages. It is what fuels a man into pursuing a lady in the first place. Surprisingly, some hardly go past the acquaintance stage if a woman comes up short of their expectations appearance-wise. So then, what does a man find appealing in a lady? Are certain body types more privileged than others? Can size be a deal-breaker?
After reviewing a couple of responses, these particular ones seemed to stand out. According to the Quora, this is what a sample in question had to say;
“A shapely plus-size woman is extremely sexy. I prefer a woman with curves. Rolls… no, but thick rounded curves are the sexiest thing ever… Not a dog. I don’t like bones. NEED SOME MEAT ON THEM STICKS!!!!..”
“Against my better judgment, I tried a couple of times and found it not a turn-on and definitely not suited to her on top! My legs started to go numb and the body mass was overwhelming…”
A Closer Look at Plus Size Relationships
Narrowing it down to plus size-loving men, does it mean that all body shapes and sizes are considered beautiful or datable? We all know it’s one thing to have a voluptuous figure, yet another entirely different issue when your body hones excess fat amounts, the latter being where many plus size women range.
This prompts the query whether overweight women really are viewed as potential partners or is there a dividing line. The unfortunate reality is that there is a “standard maximum”. A narrower waistline garners favorable ratings as opposed to women with larger bellies.
Men would easily spot a curvaceous lady with fuller breasts, a round bum, accentuated with a much narrower torso. It’s like the ideal body. Antagonistic traits such as wobbly arms and muffin tops are not attractive, even with males who claim to love plus size bodies, except for a rare few.
So ultimately, it all boils down to the distribution; an hourglass shape is probably the go-to option.
Do Plus Size Women Prefer a Skinny Guy or a Muscular Man?
Now that we have a general idea of what men gravitate towards, how is it with women – plus size women especially? Do plus girls want a man that can match up to their body image or is it the other way round?
From a logical perspective, people bond over similarities and common interests. This could go across a wide range of specifics including sports, education level, wealth status, hobbies, religion, culture, and so on. It is presumed that the more synched you are, the easier it is to connect and get along well while dating.
That being said, it is not entirely wrong to imagine that a heavier girl would feel more comfortable or secure with a plus guy. At the very least, they both have an understanding of the societal struggles that come with being on the heavier side. So arguably, such a couple may be better placed to meet each other’s emotional needs.
But how many curvy women subject to this thinking? Only a handful at best and these are some of the reasons behind their predispositions;
- A plus man is supposedly limited in performing well in the bedroom.
- A plus-size couple diminishes the whole idea of balance.
- Men ought to take on a muscular frame and nothing less.
In all truth, you can never really blame women for their biased approach in selecting the appropriate guy, because this is exactly what society has taught, and fed to us. The commercial scene constantly lobbies the ideal guy as one with pecks and a ripped physique.
This image has over the years worked against skinnier guys by inviting unfavorable comparisons. For instance, a muscular guy is presumed to have enough strength required to lift a thick girl or offer a piggyback ride. With a slim guy, you stand a pretty slim chance; almost next to impossible.
The truth is, as much as plus women would not like an overly buff guy, neither do they seem interested in relating with very thin counterparts. The golden range lies in-between the two extremes. In short, have a bit of body mass working in your favor.
Is it Harder for Plus Size Women to Land a Fit Man?
Still on the dating facades, does a plus girl find it harder to attract a handsome, fit man? Furthermore, for those who have successfully managed to score on this, what is the secret?
A lot of rumors surrounding this notion perpetuate that a plus girl is always at the receiving end of the “leftovers”. She barely has a lot of options to choose from and because of this, she ought to jump at the slightest chance she gets.
The same theology is extended to dating platforms. Plus size women sell themselves short because of societal stigmatization. They have been conditioned to believe that any man who affords the slightest appreciation should be latched on because you just never know when another opportunity will present itself. Ridiculous, right?
Conversely, some plus size women have and continue to attract cute, sexy men. And I’m not talking of full-figured bodies. Quite the contrary. I’m referencing to all other body shapes dissimilar to popular celebrities the likes of Kim Kardashian. For these ‘lucky few’, it doesn’t quite seem as hard a mission. So how do they do it?
For starters, confidence, and esteem. Think about it this way, if you find it hard to accept and own your body image, how will someone else? As women, our aurora can betray us even when we have all our stars have lined up.
Psychologists have discovered that doubt and negativity act as a stumbling block towards realizing one’s full potential. So the harder you are on yourself the further away you chase away potential suitors. If you’re never fortunate with keeping a guy long enough, you might want to consider ridding toxic traits like extreme self-consciousness.
Moving on, many men have less a problem dating big girls if they are vibrantly healthy. A morbidly obese woman is not healthy in terms of strain on her heart and body. Often this serves as a deal-breaker. This is to mean that chubby women stand a shot just as much as their thinner colleagues provided they are eating right and exercising on the regular.
A part of it too has to do with culture. Particularly in the black community, thick women are seen as the epitome of beauty. Not quite the same with the white society. Here there is a braying for regular sizes, those that do not exceed into double digits.
That said, a plus size girl will probably have the upper hand, baying most of the attention while at a black bar. If you’re in the Middle East, in states like Asia, the feedback can be quite the opposite. Nevertheless, this is not to mean there are no plus-loving men outside the black community, you’d be surprised just how many. Simply work on owning your sensuality with a bit more confidence. It goes a long way!
Are there Benefits to being with Someone who is also Plus Size?
In light of the two contradictory responses, it is apparent that beyond just personality, esteem, and a well-put character, size does matter. For some, lighter girls come off as too boney so thick and juicy proves a better option while other men simply have a liking for much smaller frames.
Before you can trash the idea of being with an equally plus size partner, take a moment to reminisce on the following advantages;
- Open, transparent communication – I don’t know about you but I would find it exhausting trying to share my insecurities with someone who has little to no idea what I am talking about. The sad reality is that many times, a fit partner may not be able to relate with you, as hard as you try to explain. With a plus size spouse, this is fairly a non-issue because chances are they have had a fair share with the same. They know exactly what your insecurities are and will more likely meet your emotional needs with precision.
- Intimacy could become less stressful – the more transparent you are with each other, the more fun and enjoyable intimacy becomes. For some couples, this element has been radically challenged majorly because of body insecurity. Women especially fall victim to this and in the long run, end up giving up or neglecting this area. A man who understands and appreciates your lumps or skin rolls is certainly one you would be at ease around. If he makes you feel beautiful, then he is a keeper.
- No need for pretense – as human nature has it, there is a tendency to present the best version of ourselves when we meet someone new. The version that we want the world to see. This is rather normal and has no downside to it whatsoever as long as it doesn’t translate to long term. At some point, we have to unveil our true self, all the ugly and bad. This can be scary especially with a partner who is rigid in accepting the “not so good sides”. It could be that you are unable to participate in vigorous activities because you run out of breath, or they invoke immense discomfort. Such small details can impose a strain on a relationship if either one proves to be unaccommodating.
- Greater support and teamwork – I’ve seen couples with a staggering difference in terms of weight and size have it rough. Usually, the bigger one tends to be bullied because of their exterior while the other is ridiculed for settling down with a fat partner. Now, even if the odds were evened out and both partners measured the same on the plus-size scale, there still would be some mockery, probably even much more intense. But think of it like this, in face of all the scorn, you have someone to confide your fears to. Someone you can team up with every day against haters. I’m not sure how thin-fat couples deal with this challenge, but I sure know it gets easier when you have someone to cheer you on regardless.
Who you choose to date is entirely up to you. Whether you favor tiny or bigger bodies, it makes not much a difference because both ways are workable, once you prioritize your partner’s needs and desires. Plus size couple or not, the bigger picture is to associate with someone who loves you for who you are. Besides, if looks are the only qualifying factor, it only becomes superficial.