I’m so tired of the misconception that just because a woman occupies a bigger body that she has to harbor a deep resentment for her appearance. You’re allowed to love yourself no matter what you look like right now, but how?
Here are some tips for finding your confidence as a plus-size woman:
· Practice acceptance
· Get a new circle
· Stop comparing
· Wear what YOU want
· Stop constantly weighing
· Don’t let size define you
· Act confident
I’ve shared lists in the past about how to build your confidence as a plus-size woman, but today’s article is chock full of all-new tips that will help you further solidify your self-esteem and become the best version of yourself you can be!
1. Accept Yourself as You Are Right Now
How much time do you spend thinking about your body per day? Would you say it’s one hour, two hours, maybe even three or four hours? More than four hours a day?
If so, don’t think you’re abnormal or anything like that. If anything, you’re quite normal.
A 2014 article published in Today found that the average woman spends 55 minutes every day obsessing over her appearance, which translates to approximately two weeks per year.
I feel like the number has probably only gone up as social media has become all the more prevalent in our day-to-day lives. It’s a constant parade of vanity that feels hard to detach from.
Now imagine what you could do if you weren’t spending that much time obsessing about yourself.
Maybe you could finally tackle some projects on your to-do list or begin planning your meals for the week or even think about a fun place to go on your next date.
That will come with time once you become more confident.
Confidence begins with acceptance. After all, it’s nearly impossible to feel good about something that you don’t accept.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you love your body. It simply means that you accept yourself as you are in this state right now.
You can accept yourself if you lose five pounds, which maybe you want to do, but you also accept yourself right here, right now.
Your self-acceptance should not be conditional on your weight or any other facet of your appearance. Those things will change, but you should always be able to welcome yourself with open arms!
2. Revise Your Support Network
It’s easy enough to prune the people you follow or interact with online on social media. If someone says something about your weight or your size that deeply offends you, you can simply unfollow them.
You can block them too. After all, the block button is there for a reason!
However, it becomes a lot harder to handle this kind of situation once it happens IRL. You can’t exactly hit a block button on your friends and colleagues.
Maybe not, but it’s still important to set boundaries.
Having a support network that bolsters your self-esteem will allow you to foster and build upon your self-confidence.
You need people who build you up, not tear you down, and that might mean cutting out some toxic relationships in your life.
I’m willing to give anyone the benefit of a doubt once. If a friend says something that’s deeply hurtful to you, it’s worth having a conversation about it.
I would also recommend the same if it’s a work colleague who’s gotten under your skin; just make sure it’s a private discussion.
Tell this person how their words made you feel. Most of the time, they won’t have even realized that they said something offensive. They’ll apologize, make amends, and life will continue.
That said, continue monitoring this person’s behavior. If they do it again, don’t forget it. You might give them three strikes, but then you know the old adage in baseball.
It’s three strikes, and you’re out.
Cutting out friends is difficult, and distancing yourself from former friendly colleagues can be a tough pill to swallow too.
However, you gave these people chances, and they didn’t take them. Although it will hurt you now to cut them out, once you get over the pain of the breakup, you’ll realize that you’re a lot better off.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Every Other Girl
Listen, I think everyone with working eyes compares themselves to others. In some way, it’s just human nature.
However, where once, the only people you could compare yourself to were out in the real world, in magazines, or on the television, today, social media provides endless opportunities for comparison.
This is, as you can only imagine, really, really unhealthy.
So how do you stop?
I would recommend cutting back on social media usage. Not only will you feel better about it, but you’ll have fewer of those opportunities for comparison.
At the very least, you should curate your social media feeds, following accounts of only the type of content you want to see.
You also have to remind yourself that the content you’re witnessing is the best of someone’s highlight reel. That person probably took 100 other photos before choosing the ones they posted.
They might have had a professional hair and makeup team and pro lighting as well. Even without all that stuff, they could have edited their photos.
In other words, what you’re looking at is not real.
If that doesn’t help you, then at least remind yourself of this.
When you see a collection of flowers, they’re all beautiful in different ways. Does the proximity of a rose make the daisy any less beautiful?
No! One flower’s existence does not diminish the beauty of the other.
That’s what you have to tell yourself too. Just because you see another beautiful woman on social media who doesn’t look anything like you doesn’t make you less beautiful.
There are all kinds of beautiful in this world, which is good! We need that to be unique as people.
If everyone looked the same, sure, we’d all be beautiful, but we’d be boring too.
4. Wear What Makes YOU Feel Good
Here on the blog, I provide a lot of fashion tips for plus-size ladies because fashion makes a gal feel good about herself and who doesn’t like to feel good about herself?
Above all else, the point that I always stress is that no matter what the trend is, the most fashionable thing you can wear is confidence.
As a plus-size woman, it’s so easy to hide because that’s what magazines and society drill into you. You need to wear dark colors. You need to wear bold prints, and don’t you dare wear anything even remotely form-fitting.
If we all took that advice, then every plus-size woman on the planet would have a bland wardrobe full of dark-colored, loose clothing. It’d be very one-note.
Now, you can wear those kinds of clothes if you want to, but if you want to break out of that fashion rut, then go for it!
You’re the only one who’s holding yourself back.
I promise you that if you go out in a bold outfit, such as something funky or maybe even a little tight, the world will not stop.
Life will keep right on happening. Most people who you see won’t pay you any attention. Some might give you a lingering glance, but you have no idea what they’re thinking.
They could be passing judgment upon you, but they could just as easily be thinking that you look fantastic, and they wish that they had the self-esteem to dress the way that they wanted to.
Even if someone is judging your fashion decisions, guess what? You’re never going to see that person again, so who cares what they think?
They’re not important to you, and their opinions aren’t either.
If you, by chance, feel bold enough to post one of your looks on social media and you get detracting comments, don’t let it get to you.
Fatphobia is unfortunately ingrained in a lot of us, and it’s harder to shake for more people than you would think. Just delete and move on with your day and keep being fabulous!
5. Get Off the Scale
I already told you how acceptance is a huge part of developing self-confidence as a plus-size woman. You need to live your life for the woman you are right now, not the woman you can be if you drop two pants sizes.
On that note, if you are trying to lose weight, please, oh please, do not get into the habit of starting every day by stepping onto the scale.
There’s no need to weigh yourself that often.
You can get really distorted messages if you do. One day, you could be down two pounds, and the next, the two pounds are back.
What’s happening is your weight naturally fluctuates due to water weight. Factors like bloating, which might worsen around a woman’s menstrual cycle, can also contribute to your weight.
You can drive yourself crazy by obsessing over the number on the scale.
Stick to weekly weigh-ins only, as you’ll miss all those day-to-day changes and fluctuations in water weight. The number will be more accurate from week to week than from day to day.
And please remember that the number on the scale doesn’t mean that much at the end of the day.
It’s all about how your body is proportioned. After all, everything contributes to your weight, from muscle and fat to the size of your breasts.
The number is not an accurate measure of these factors, and it’s certainly not an accurate measure of your worth.
6. Don’t Let Your Size Define You
When you feel self-conscious about something, you tend to think that it’s the first and only thing that people notice about you.
For example, if you wear glasses and you’re self-conscious about them, then you might think that people are only paying attention to your glasses.
In reality, your glasses are a very small part of you, and people know that.
It’s the same thing with your weight. It’s a small part of you, especially when you think of what comprises you as a person, which includes your personality, attitude, values, beliefs, and achievements.
How many outings have you said no to because you felt self-conscious about your size? How many beach trips or pool parties have you not attended? How many dates have you refused because you’re not sure if this person is genuinely into you?
Each time you do these things, you’re allowing your size to be your defining factor.
If you don’t want it to be all about your size, then don’t make it all about your size!
It’s one thing not to want to go to a pool party or on a date because you genuinely don’t want to, but if you’re letting your size hold you back, you’re the only one who’s losing out in the end.
I promise that people aren’t paying as much attention to your size as you think they are. For the ones that maybe are, they’re not worth your time.
7. Fake It Until You Make It
My last tip for gaining more confidence is a classic, but that’s why I wanted to include it.
The way to feel more confident is to act confident.
Yes, it’s that simple!
Smile. Walk boldly. Wear what you like. Keep your head up. Make eye contact.
When people compliment you, believe them and warmly thank them.
Keep doing these things day in and day out, and eventually, you’ll realize something. You’re no longer acting confident. You just are confident.
Conclusion
Developing confidence as a plus-size woman is not an overnight process, but it shouldn’t take you years and years either. With these 7 tips, you can begin to find your inner you and love her for who she is!
