Confidence and being a big girl aren’t supposed to go hand-in-hand. If anything, larger women are supposed to want to hide their bodies, not embrace them wholeheartedly. Yet as a bigger woman, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’m sure you’re wondering, how?
Here are some tips for bigger girls to feel completely confident in themselves:
- Know you’re worth it
- Normalize bigger bodies
- Embrace your own fashion
- Go on, post a thirst trap or two
- Find your tribe
- Prepare for bad body image days
- Practice self-care
- Get comfy in the skin you’re in
I know, I know, I make it sound easy when it can be anything but. I was once like you, lacking confidence, wishing I was skinnier, maybe even actively hating my body. I was able to turn it around, and I want to explain more of how I did that ahead, so please check it out!
Here’s How This Big Girl Gained Bigger Confidence
I Learned to Believe I Was Worth It
The messaging from so many media outlets and society, in general, is that if you’re over a certain BMI or you can’t shop in straight-size clothes shops, you’re automatically less than.
It’s so easy to internalize that message, sometimes without even meaning to.
If you’ve been a bigger gal for a long time, then years of hearing the same thing over and over again, that you’re not worth it, of course, will cause you to believe it.
So you have to unlearn what you’ve heard forever and the same things that the mean little voice in the back of your head repeats to you every single day.
You have to tell yourself that you are worthy of feeling good about yourself because at the end of the day, we all are.
Then, you have to do more than tell yourself. You have to actually believe it.
Is this easier said than done? I’ll admit that yes, it is, especially at first.
After all, unlearning all the skinny-positive messages you’ve heard for a lifetime is not an overnight process.
It’s not like forgetting algebra or that language you started to learn on Babble but haven’t touched in months.
The mindset that skinny is all that’s worth it has been ingrained in a lot of women’s brains pretty much from birth.
So give yourself time, and give yourself a lot of time. Little by little, you’ll begin to believe that you do indeed deserve better than what you’ve had so far in this life.
Once you truly believe that, then you’re already well on the way to being more confident.
I Normalized Bodies Like Mine
If you’re waiting for TV shows or movies to normalize bigger bodies, keep on waiting.
Sure, it’s nice to see larger women in magazines or commercial adverts, but it’s just not happening fast enough. It also doesn’t help that every time it does happen, fat-phobes lose their minds.
It’s on you to normalize bigger bodies. Once I realized that and began surrounding my social media feed with women who looked like me or were slightly bigger or slightly smaller, I felt so much better.
I didn’t have to dread scrolling through Instagram, wondering which impossibly gorgeous model I was going to compare myself to next.
Instead, I saw real women with bodies like mine. They were dressing in ways that I only wished I could, going out into the world and bravely blazing paths that I wanted to as well.
Now, I’m not trying to say that social media will solve all your woes. If anything, when your body positivity has taken a beating, it’s good to unplug.
I can say though that there is definitely something to opening your social media feeds and seeing bodies like yours rather than wasting hours playing the comparison game each day.
It makes you feel confident. After all, it’s hard to see a woman in a body like yours living her best life and continue hiding away from the world as you might have been doing.
I Wear What I Love
Clothes make the woman, and more so than that, so does what you’re wearing underneath.
I’m here to say that no matter what your size is, there are no rules. If you feel comfortable wearing shapewear that shrinks or minimizes your trouble spots, then you go, girl.
If you’d rather wear an everyday set of undies because you find shapewear too constricting, that’s fine. There are literally no rules.
That means you don’t only have to wear black or navy. You don’t have to wear oversized or loose clothing – unless, of course, that’s how you prefer to dress.
If you like crop tops and showing skin, that’s great. The same is true if you prefer wearing tight clothes.
The people who try to impose clothing rules on bigger bodies are uncomfortable seeing plus-size women dressing for them rather than everyone else.
I’m not saying you should throw your personal dress code out or wear something that you don’t find flattering or comfortable. My message is just the opposite.
You should feel free to try any fashion trend you wish, and if that’s none of them, that’s fine too.
You shouldn’t have to change up your wardrobe because you occupy a bigger body. You should wear what you like.
Once I started realizing that I could wear clothes that made me excited and maybe weren’t dark in color or big, distracting patterns, I found that I could appreciate my body so much more.
I Got into the Habit of Taking Bomb Selfies Like Any Skinny Girl
Doesn’t it sometimes seem like the only people who litter your social media feed with selfies are the self-proclaimed perfect, gorgeous, skinny-in-all-the-right-places kinds of girls?
I say why let them have all the fun?
It’s not only that taking selfies is fun. Cleveland Clinic reports on a UK and Indian study on students who took selfies. The students were motivated to snap, snap, snap away on their phones for these reasons:
- Compete socially
- Fit in with their friends
- Preserve a nice memory
- Boost their mood
- Seek attention
- Increase their self-esteem
Can selfies do all these things? Certainly. But taking a bunch of selfies can also mask one’s lack of confidence.
Therefore, if you go to take your next selfie, before you put your phone into camera mode, ask yourself an important question.
Why are you doing it?
Do you genuinely think you look good, and you want to document that? Or are you feeling so bad about yourself that you think taking selfies will bring you to a happier place?
I would recommend limiting your selfies to when you feel best about yourself, as they’ll be the most beneficial to increasing your self-esteem.
I Found My Tribe
Embed from Getty ImagesAnother huge step to increasing my confidence was finding my people or my tribe so to speak.
This doesn’t have to be difficult. I’m sure you have a lot of important people in your life who love you and support you, right?
If so, then surround yourself with their presence more!
I don’t care if they’re friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, or community members. You know your people when you see them, and they’re great to have in your life. They reinvigorate you and remind you that anything is possible.
Your tribe doesn’t just have to be women, please don’t think that. They also don’t have to be solely larger bodies. You just need to surround yourself with people who love and support you. That’s it. That’s the criteria.
Of course, you’re more than just a sponge, absorbing everyone’s positive words and energy. Be sure to give back what you receive and make someone else feel like they’re on top of the world!
I Understand That Bad Body Image Days Happen
Some bigger women think that once they become more confident in themselves that they will never feel bad about their bodies again, that that will just evaporate forever.
Then they think that because they do have bad body image days that they must not be as confident as they think.
Well, I’m here to tell you that neither is true!
Bad body image days are inevitable no matter how far you’ve built your confidence. Every woman goes through them.
Perhaps you had a bad experience in a dressing room, as the lighting or mirrors did your body no favors.
Maybe you’re bloated and your favorite jeans didn’t fit, so you started to assume that you were the problem.
Days like that happen to me too. I’m only human, after all.
On those days, I like to focus more on body neutrality.
This detaches all value–good and bad–that I connect to my body and allows me to just be. I focus less on my body so I can get through the day without thinking about it so much.
And you know what happens? Maybe it’s not the next day, but eventually, I start to naturally feel better about myself.
Please don’t make an already bad body image day even worse by beating yourself up about the way you feel. It’s going to happen, sometimes for seemingly no reason at all. And that’s okay.
Rather than try to fight it, just try to de-focus on your body and put your attention elsewhere. The feeling will pass!
I Prioritize My Health
I’m so tired of the misconception that bigger women are unhealthy. I also don’t like the idea among some bigger people that if you’re healthy, you’re trying to lose weight.
There are a lot of posts on the blog about how your size isn’t necessarily because of what you do and don’t eat and how often or not often you exercise. Genetics plays a huge role as well.
Therefore, we can all be healthy in different sizes. When I choose a salad instead of a cheeseburger, it’s because I’m honoring my body and my wishes for what I want to eat at that moment.
It doesn’t mean I will never have cheeseburgers, but I’m allowed to choose the healthy menu option, and not because I want to lose weight.
It takes a lot more than one salad or going to the gym twice a week for a month to lose weight anyway.
And if you do want to lose weight? That’s fine too!
Listen, we only have one body. We have to take care of it no matter our size, as that keeps us happy and healthy!
I Became Comfortable in My Own Skin
Do you look at your reflection in the mirror and cringe? Perhaps you actively avoid looking in the mirror at all.
I get that because that’s totally how I used to be as well.
Becoming comfortable in your own skin is not something that will happen immediately or almost immediately.
It takes time and practicing a lot of the points I’ve made throughout this article.
It’s only when you accept that yes, this is how I look and it is what it is can you say that you’ve achieved that level of being comfortable in your own skin.
It’s doable as a bigger woman, and anyone who tells you it’s impossible is completely wrong. I did it, and you can do it too. The key is patience in yourself and in the process. Then you’ll achieve amazing things!
Conclusion
Being a big girl does not mean I have to suffer from a lack of confidence.
Yes, if society had things its way, that’s how it would go, but I decided to take back what I rightfully deserve, which is healthy self-esteem for myself.
I hope this guide helps you foster that same sort of self-confidence! Remember, you’ve got this!
